Croutons are used to add texture and flavor to salads—notably the Caesar salad— as an accompaniment to soups and stews, or eaten as a snack food.
If I’m going to eat a salad I prefer to do so on my own for all of the reasons listed above. Plus, I’m not actually civilized enough to do the fork/knife combo thing very well so I just stab relentlessly, chase salad pieces around the plate trying to scoop with the fork, and then end up using my fingers.
Okay, so: I understand the purpose of croutons in a salad. A little carb, a little added crunch, a little extra salt and flavor. I get that and do not deny that croutons are delicious. I was the kid who would snack on a Dixie cup full of croutons after school. As a full time emotional eater I promise you I understand the tastiness aspect of the crouton.
Salads are already difficult to eat without croutons. They almost always require the use of two pieces of silverware: a fork to stab the pieces that are stab-able and a knife to scooch everything else onto the fork. You then have to balance the half-stabbed and half-scooped up pieces to your mouth, which can be precarious. That is assuming that all the lettuce pieces are actually small enough to fit in a human mouth. If the lettuce is large and leafy then you also have to contend with fitting a too large leaf into your mouth, inevitably opening the mouth super wide and revealing all the remnants of chewed up salad that are already in there to your table-mates. If there is dressing on the salad, it will end up on your face no question, especially with the big leafy salads. When you have a chopped salad, to combat the leafiness problem, then nothing is large enough to stab and you might as well eat the salad with a spoon.
This sets up unrealistic expectations for women. Say a woman is attending a business lunch or on a date a salad is served. The expectation will be that she can eat a salad all prim and proper, never dropping anything on herself, never violently stabbing at the food on the plate. This is not reality of the situation so this woman will, in an effort to not look like a feral animal, eat slowly and carefully using both knife and fork. This requires a good deal of focus, so perhaps she is distracted from the business conversation. Or maybe she misses a joke that her date tells because she’s trying not to make a fool of herself with her food. Or maybe, knowing that a salad is a losing battle in polite company, she will simply go hungry.
Salads are a test. A test we are doomed to fail. This test, set by popular culture and societal expectations, is yet another way that our companions, business or personal, can judge us and find us wanting. “Did you see her eat that salad?” “She can’t even eat a salad like a human, how can we trust her with this account?” “Ugh, she stabbed that crouton so viciously, I think she might be crazy, I can’t date her.”
I like to make a big batch of toasted breadcrumbs and store them in an airtight container so that I have them on hand whenever I need a spoonful. Over medium-low heat in a skillet, I heat up some oil or butter and add equal parts breadcrumbs and Panko (I like the coarser texture of Panko, but you can make yours entirely with fine breadcrumbs if you prefer). You should have enough fat in the pan so that all of the breadcrumbs look slightly moistened. To this, I’ll season with salt and pepper and finish it all off with some lemon zest and juice for a kick of acid. If your heat is too high, the breadcrumbs will burn before you have a chance to save them, so make sure to go low and slow in order to achieve a nice, golden brown color throughout. Take ‘em off the heat and sprinkle them on your salad immediately, or let ‘em cool and save ‘em for a rainy day. Whatever you do, just don’t go ruining your next salad with croutons.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s back up for a second. First, I LOVE bread and it should always be used to its fullest potential. Second, I believe that varying textural components make for a well rounded salad. And lastly, since you’re probably all wondering, I LOVE Caesar salad. As a kid, I obviously ate croutons because every child knows that this is the only reason to eat salad in the first place. So you’re probably wondering, what’s the answer to my strong aversion to croutons whilst loving bread, texturally rich salads, and a classic Caesar? Toasted bread crumbs, that’s what!
So here’s the deal—what bread crumbs and croutons share in common is that they’re both made from stale bread (remember, I love bread —so even if it’s a few days old, I am still going to find a way to use it). The difference between the two is that one is rustically torn and the other is finely pulverized. I think there is a time and place for rustically torn bread, like panzanella, where the bread is soaked in a dressing or juicy tomato guts, so that the stale toughness of the bread is masked with some moisture. I much prefer a breadcrumb in my salad because the finer texture is way less intrusive than your classic crouton.
Why do I feel so strongly that croutons are a poor addition to any salad? I’ll tell you why—because they are simply unpleasurable to eat. I have no interest in consuming a stiff shard of bread that is inevitably going to scrape the roof of my mouth and put all of my molars under an immense amount of stress. I find croutons to be extremely disruptive to my salad consumption. They are too big, too stale, too hard, and lacking any substantial flavor, so I do not understand why we, as a society, still accept them as a valid salad component.
What I’m about to say might offend a lot of people, but it’s something that needs to be said. Croutons are bad. Yup, you heard me. Everybody’s beloved salad topper is, in fact, not good. And when I say croutons, I mean all croutons. Whether it’s a homemade, baked crouton from day-old, artisanal sourdough or just a bag of store bought croutons, I firmly believe that they are all bad.
How to Make Caesar Salad from Scratch | Homemade Croutons & Dressing | Allrecipes.com
FAQ
Are croutons healthy in a salad?
Where did croutons in salad come from?
Can you eat croutons without salad?
Why do we use croutons?
Do croutons go in salads?
Croutons star in all kinds of salads, from a classic Caesar salad to a wild rice and crouton salad. No matter what kind of salad you are making, it’s important to think about how the dressing will interact with those crunchy bites of bread.
What are the ingredients good for making a salad?
A good salad includes vegetables, seeds, some cereal or legumes such as rice, lentils, and chickpeas. It can also include egg and some topping with dressings, honey, and oil, among others.
What is a Crouton atop a salad?
Croutons atop a salad. A crouton / ˈkruːtɒn / is a piece of toasted or fried bread, normally cubed and seasoned. Croutons are used to add texture and flavor to salads —notably the Caesar salad — as an accompaniment to soups and stews, or eaten as a snack food. [citation needed]
Why are homemade croutons so popular?
Homemade croutons give you the opportunity to experiment with different flavors, herbs, and seasonings to match your salad or soup recipes perfectly. They also provide a satisfying crunch that can enhance the texture of your dishes.